The Joshua Kemble Holotapes: Bundle 01
by famoushippopotamus
Summary: A series of found recordings from a man struggling to survive in the Commonwealth. Not your typical story.


_This is a collection of first-person writings from the point-of-view of the protagonist of Fallout 4 (albeit with a different back story) during my real-life play-through on Survival Mode. I'll add to these as I go, I guess._

 **Time Index of Journals**

0001 10/23/2287|18:52

0002 10/24/87|05:43

0003 10/25/87|22:16

0004 10/26/87|15:23

0005 10/27/87|00:19

0006 10/28/87|20:01

0007 10/29/87|18:59

0008 10/30/87|12:16

0009 10/31/87|16:29

0010 11/01/87|02:40

 **# 0001**

I gotta record all this or no one will ever fuckin believe me, and I don't know how much data this PipBoy holds, but whatever. This is my story. My true story.

I escaped from the Vault-Tec murderers. That's right. Me, Joshua. JK. The mook. Mister "Special 4s" they called me in the Army, after that stupid donkey test or whatever. The _goat_ , that was it. Well so what? I ain't too fast, or too smart, or too strong, but I'm alive, and all them superstars ain't, so what does that say? Damn right. I _lived_.

I lived, but those murdering _motherfuckers_...

Killed my lady. Took my kid. Left _me_ alive though. I can't even talk about that Vault they put us in. Like a nightmare factory or something. Killed them all. Jason next door. And Janice. Fat Pete downna street. On _purpose_. Yeah. I read the fuckin notes on the boss's computer. Alllllll about what's really going on. What the fuck Vault-Tec was doing. Everyone's dead. And Vault-Tec is dust. But the ones that killed Donna, and took little Shaun, they weren't Vault-Tec. They had a look about them, specially that dude.

I found a gun in the Vault. Nearly emptied all the bullets into some horrible bugs, giant roaches, I mean, _fuck_. I hate insects. Can't stand em. They freak me out and now there's giant movie-monster sized ones and Jesus, the _smell_. I had a freak out down there, not gonna lie. Of all the bugs I hate, roaches, I mean. I can't. God they're _monstrous_. I screamed and screamed and, yeah, ok. I pissed my pants. Ok? So what?

I threw up after too. I hate bugs. Jesus. Giant _roaches_.

My stomach was still flipping over, but I found some food, I think. Boxes of shit and some water. Who knows if any of it is safe to drink, I remember that much from Basic Training, but fuck, I wasn't gonna eat no dead roach guts, _fuck that_. Nmm-mm. No. I'll starve first. I'll eat _dirt_ first.

Mercenaries, that's what they looked like. I remembered that look in Heilongjiang. In the mountains. The look of the desperate and vicious.

I'll never forget his face. Looked me right in the eye. Scar-faced motherfucker.

I find him. I find my kid. I try to figure out what to do next. That's all I can concentrate on. I'm standing on the bluff, looking at my neighborhood and tryin not to bawl like a baby, because all those good memories I had, and was going to have...

Time to go home...

Codsworth. Can you believe it? Fuck me. Got my money's worth, am I right? And dude was _bitching_ because he had to polish _rust_! Hahahahaha! You believe that? Robots, man. Shit. He's a bad ass though. Went crazy looking for Donna and my boy, tried to tell them they were gone, but he went charging through every house, and he killed some more creepy bugs. Giant flies this time, I think. Oh god, they are fuckin gross.

I went home. Yeah. Found some of Shaun's things. I cried, fuck yeah I did. I felt stronger after, though.

I had hours until dark and I wasn't about to go charging into the wilderness empty handed, so I searched the neighborhood. The houses are so fuckin weird now. They groan, you know. You can hear the timbers shifting, and the gasps from the floorboards. They creep me out. I found a lot of good gear though. Bunch of bottles so I can get some water, I'm so fuckin thirsty. Some more tinned food. An actual safe bolted to the floor. Looked heavy. I couldn't open it. My shady fuckin' youth taught me a lot, but not that, hahaha! I did try, though, fuck yeah I did. Always keep trying - maybe I'll get better.

That first night was fucked though. Thank God the sun's up again. God I'd kill for some coffee. Or a light for these smokes I found. Last night was fucked. Cold and lots of noises. I don't think I slept more than an hour. I can't stay here. Not with these ghosts in my head. Codsworth said I should go into Concord, but he wasn't coming. I guess I don't blame him. I don't want to go either, but I can't stay here. I have to go.

 **# 0002**

I'm in the gas station up the hill. Holed up is a better word, not gonna lie. Found a dog, can you believe that? Some beautiful German Shepherd, super nice and shit, especially after I gave him a can of that dog food I found.

Then these _things_ attacked. Like big naked rats or something. Came up out of the ground. The dog went psycho, I mean _nuts_ , grabbin em by the neck, tossing them around. He's still going at it, man! I'm not going out there. Fuck that. With this pistol? I'm an ok shot, but... Fuck. Fuck!

 _sounds of gunfire_

Shit! Shit! Came inside, the tricky fuckers! God they are huge. Look at those teeth! Like beav-. No like giant _moles_ , man. Jesus. Everything's been warped by the radiation. The movies were _right_. What's next? Giant ants?!

I feel ok, though. Like, I mean, _fuck_. I'm ok, though. I feel strong. I can do this.

The dog's ok, too. Chowing on some giant mole guts right now, muzzle all up in there, bloody as fuck. Look at him. He's a killer. Reminds me of that guy Meat, this guy I knew in the Army. Crazy fucker. Went nuts in fights just like this dog did. The Dog-Meat. That's him. I hope he sticks around. Right now though. Right now I have a place where I can lock the door and maybe get some decent sleep. I found this workbench. Hand tools and shit, like the guy knew that the world was ending. I'm no fuckin genius, but I can make-do. I knocked up a shitty bed for myself and found some more tools. Guy was a gunsmith too, I guess, and most of the shit I didn't want to touch, but I found some parts that will turn this pistol into a heavy gun. Thank fuck for the modern world, huh? Modular components I could kiss you.

Blocked off all the doors and got the garage door shut. Must be running on some reserve battery because I pushed the button as a joke and the fuckin thing worked! So I'm safe, I think. Ate some shitty tinned food. Drank some of my water. Found a pump out back, filled up my bottles. Doesn't taste horrible, but I saw some floating things. Probably gonna shit my brains out tomorrow. This is my life now. Shitting in the weeds with my home-made gun hoping giant bugs don't chew my guts out. Sleep now.

 **# 0003**

Saw a tower from the gas station, just up on the hill. Was thinking maybe I could climb it, get a nice good look at what's out there. No dice, though. Did find a stash of water and some drugs, though. Some ammo. I saw a weird building with one of those power tower things sticking out of the top of it. Weird. Me and the dog, sunny day, nice field and then out of nowhere we get ambushed by giant fucking flies, like a few of them, right? And Meat that crazy dog goes apeshit again. This thing loves to tear it up, and I squeezed off a few shots, I'm not bad, but I'm going to need a lot more practice and shit, because one of the bugs squirted some gross shit on me, oh God it fuckin stank, I had to waste some water washing it off. Vault-Tec might be a pack of psychos but they make a fine fabric. Came right off. Doesn't even smell! Amazing.

Bastards.

The rage gripped me again and images of Donna shot through my head, ya know. Peppered my brain with that twisting in my gut. _Ohgodohdonna_ , but you gotta clamp down on that shit, clamp down on it hard, and don't let it be like that. She's a _memory_ now, that's _all_ , take and use it and make her your shield and Shaun is your sword. Get some peace through _that_.

Ok. I'm ok.

Turns out that weird building is a farm and people live there! I watched them for awhile, lying in the tall grass. Old man. Woman. Girl. Family? The stink of their mutant cow makes me gag, even up here. Bunch of crops, fuck I dunno what, I ain't no farmer. Tomatoes maybe? And big fuck off ground limes or something, don't ask me. They seemed really relaxed. All were armed, but they were going about their business. No lookout. No big fences. It made me think.

Right before dark I got up and put my gun away and looked as weary and as trailworn as I was, and slowly walked towards the farm with my hands up and yelled hello, I need help! They pulled their guns of course, I don't blame them and talked to me pretty hard but I know country folk and I just nodded at all their gripes and smiled in the right places. When they asked about me, I told them the truth. I know, right? But fuck it. I had a feeling, and I was right. They fed me some roasted meat, I didn't ask what it was, but if it was mutant cow, it tasted a damn sight better than it smelled, lemme tell ya. Some vegetables, and I asked, but they said it was a Tato. Some mutant thing. Nothing was spared. Even the food was warped and defiled. Heh. Listen to me. Fuckin poet now!

Anyway.

Nice people. Sad too. Told me some savages they called raiders. It really is like the movies, like that Australian one, with the cars and the mohawks. Packs of feral dogs with death as the only law. It sounded terrifying, and then they told me about the girl's photo on the wall, the one that I didn't see. The one they kept skirting around all night.

I felt something twist in my gut. It was suicide, that's a given. But something broke inside of me. I swore to help them and the old man gave me this look, I can't describe it, but it was important. It was _honest_. I can't let him down. If this doesn't end in my bloody death, maybe I could come back here. Help them put up some bigger fences, maybe a lookout tower. Another mutant cow, why not! Yeah...

They let me sleep on a filthy mattress on the floor. It was bitter cold. I heard, and smelled, the mutant cow all night, and I slept like shit, OK? I took a dump outside in the foggy morning air and I felt completely and utterly alone in the world. What was I thinking? Adopting this family for myself? Charging off to fight a pack of cannibal psychos? I swallowed hard. I made a promise. That's so fuckin corny, I know. But still. I felt that rage of a father's loss inside me, and it was never going to go away. If I could bring this man some peace, maybe...ah, never mind. Fuck it, right? Might be fun. Shoot some bad guys, be a hero? I could do worse.

Listen this tape thing just beeped at me that its running out. The old man gave me a dusty box of like 3 more of em though, said I could tape over em. So. I guess if you find the next one, you can hear the rest. I think maybe that...

 _ **end of recording**_

 **# 0004**

 _clattering noises_

Is...I think this is on. OK, _fuck_ , OK! Right. Today was the suicide run. To get the locket back. I woke up with the sun. Its really fucked, I mean I'm up every day with the sun, and out like a light at sundown. Guess without alarm clocks, we all go back to being cavemen and shit. Its crazy.

Anyway.

So the Abernathy's told me the Satellite Array was East. Just needed to keep the water on my left, and I'd run right into it. I was coldly calm when I set out. Terrified, yeah. But _determined_. I pushed into the brush just East of the gas station and Meat's right there with me. Such a good fuckin dog.

I'm crawling over these rocks, right? Trying to keep low and shit when I hear voices. I freeze. I mean, I fuckin stopped _dead_ and I don't move, and I don't breathe. Two guys. Talking shit on each other, talking about broads, they sound half drunk, and I'm thinking, OK, I can maybe just go around these guys. But then I realize that If I survive this shitstorm I'm heading towards, then they will be in my way on the way back. Maybe I'm all banged up. Maybe dying. No way I wanna face two cannibal fucks when I'm like that. Its gotta be _now_.

I poke my head up real goddamn slow. Like that dude in that story about the beating heart that won't go away. Like a fuckin glacier. I see a campfire and two big guys. Jesus, they were dressed like killers. Trophies and shit like fingers and toes on necklaces and shit. They were armed. Big fuckin pistol and a rifle. Looked automatic. _Shit_. Then I hear Meat growl low in his throat, almost too soft to hear. I look at him. He's clockin something hard. I look where he's looking.

A fuckin dog is chained to the tree past the dudes. It was _huge_. It looked fucked up too, like maybe it had been mutated as well. Fuckin fallout, man. Its made monsters of everything.

Two dudes and a dog. Me and my dog and my one pea-shooter.

" _Maybe I should go around_ " crosses my mind again and then I remember why I can't.

I swallow my fear and unholster my pistol. I gotta kill the guy with the rifle first. If I don't, I'm dead.

I got one hand on Meat's collar, I don't want him running down there.

 _It was beautiful_. I blew rifle guy's head off, just like in the movies. I see other dude run for the tree and I throw a few bullets away. He's cursing at me and unchains the dog. It takes off so fast I immediately lose sight of it. I let Meat go and he's gone too. This is gonna be bloody, but I got bigger problems. Dude is crouched behind the tree and letting off shots. Ricochet threw some stone at me, cut me all up. Hurts like a fucker.

I hear Meat's howl of victory and then he's charging the bastard behind the tree. This is it. I could feel the tide turn. Meat gets shot, but he keeps coming and he's got the guy on the ground and I run down and put two in his chest. I run over and kick dirt over the fire and scramble my ass back into the rocks. If anything heard that, I'm dead.

I wait like an hour. Its quiet, thank fuck.

I find some drugs and a few bottle caps in their pockets. _Bottle caps_? Weird. Their guns are useless to me. The rifle has like four shots and its way too heavy. I have to leave it. The pistol is total shit and worse than mine. Different ammo too. At least I wasn't shot. Meat doesn't whine or whimper when I dress his wound. Its a deep gouge, but nothing bad. All I have is water, and I'm worried about infection, I remember them saying that's a big deal when I did First Aid training. Nothing for it, I got shit to protect it. We gotta move.

Two hours later I see the Satellite dish. Its on this big scaffold with some outbuilding next to it. I'm hiding across the road behind an outcropping. I see two dudes. One up on the scaffolding, one walking the perimeter. No idea who's in the building. I gotta play this smart.

That was thirty minutes ago. I got up on these rocks to the South and took out the guard, easy. Had a shotgun on him. _Fuck, yes\_. Only six shells, but they might save my life. I sling it. Traded potshots with the guard up high, but got lucky and he fell to his death. Meat dealt with a molerat that we must have woken up with the noise _and_ another guard dog, who knows where the fuck he was hiding. Shit. I owe this mutt my life over so many times. I don't even need to feed him - he's going to town on that molerat right now.

That building is quiet. No one came in or out. Maybe I'll get lucky. I'll check in later.

 **# 0005**

Its the next day. Its late. Yeah, I'm fuckin alive. I don't know how. _Lucky as shit_ , that's how.

I had a magic day. There's no other way to describe it, you know? Six guys. Two were girls, but they were shootin at me, and that makes em guys, know what I mean? Me and Meat take out two in these hallways, snuck up on them and that's all she wrote. I knew there were a few downstairs and I hid in the stairwell and threw the sweetest grenade - haha, man, I mean, it was _spot on_. Landed right at her feet. BOOM! Hahaha! Man. That was great. Then this bitch walks around the corner wearing some gigantic fuckin gun bigger than me. Like a fuckin cannon off the side of a helicopter! My last grenade lands at her feet and I dove for the stairs.

I don't know how she didn't tag me. Let off a burst that almost blew my eardrums out. The grenade didn't help either and bits of brass-balled-bitch splattered my boots. Fuckin amazing. Two of her buddies came running, but I was waiting. Molotov cocktail and I used up those six heaven-sent shotgun shells while they were screaming. It was, in short, a magic day.

I kissed that shotgun. Gonna give it a girl's name. Like that dickhead sergeant made me do in Boot. But maybe he was right. Sometimes the thing you love needs a name. Rebecca was Donna's middle name. Tough as nails. Yeah...

Yeah... That'll do.

Lots of drugs and some food down there. Ammo for my guns and some more shotgun shells. Some bits of armor or something on these maniacs. I take an arm and leg and a chest piece that look like they'll fit me. They slid nicely over my shiny blue suit. I like them. Makes me not look like such a giant shiny blue target with my ass hanging out and a number on my back.

I scooped up all the goodies, but not that crazy cannon of a gun. I don't even know if I could lift the fuckin thing and even if I did, I'm gonna hump it the five miles back to the farm? But I did find something more valuable.

A young girl's locket. The chain wasn't even fuckin broken. Washed some blood off it but otherwise its ok. A magic day, like I said.

I got home a few hours ago and the gratitude and tears and back-slaps got old after awhile. Old man said I could bunk here as long as I liked, even gave me a piss-warm beer that he had buried in some hidey-hole in the yard probably, hahaha. So I'm drinking it and talking to you, and hoping these people don't think I'm crazy for climbing up here, up the steel tower. The moon looks incredible and I wish I had a lighter that worked. I just dropped the cigarette. Maybe I should quit.

I gotta piss.

 **# 0006**

* _sound of a cigarette being lit_ *

Ahhhhhh. Mmm. * _sound of coughing_ *

Yeah. I even missed the coughing. That tastes so fine. I don't have much tape left, so I'll make this quick. I talked to the family today and said if they were serious about me staying here, then we need to do something before more raiders came back. He said they knew the harvest times, and I flashed on the Seven Samurai, but there were only 4 of us, and I'm not as pretty as Shimada. Still. They had a ton of wood and sheet metal lying around, and we starting building a fence. A wall, really, because we needed to build up as well as around.

We ran out of shit pretty quickly though. Only got one wall up - facing East down into the fields. I talked to Blake and told him about all the supplies at Sanctuary Hills. He rubbed his chin and thought for a minute.

An hour later we were driving his Brahmin over the hill, a sled tied to the beast by a few ropes. The fuckin thing balked at the bridge, though, and I can't say as I blamed it, it looks rickety as shit. In my flight across the bridge that first morning, I didn't even notice it, I was running away from myself that day. That day. Was like a week ago. Fuck me. I'm getting old, fast. Anyway. So I humped over and grabbed as much shit as I could, made a few trips, cause the old man wouldn't leave the mutant cow, stubborn dick. Took about 4 hours all up. Finally got back at sunset and I was getting nervous as hell. I heard some wild dogs howling in the gully nearby and if this dumb cow got its back up we could be stuck out here with no light. But we made it. We got up another section before the light died and I think we have enough to finish tomorrow.

I'm tired as shit and dirty and I stink. But I have a roof to sleep under and a bed to lie in. Food, water, ammunition. Meat lying at my feet.

I'm still alive motherfuckers. Tomorrow is Wednesday. One week since I escaped the Vault. And you can bet on o-

 _ **end of recording**_

 **# 0007**

Raining all day today. What a shitty, grey, nothing of a day. Can't do nothin, so me and the family sat around playing Spades all day and trading stories. Old Man Blake pulled out some more of those hidden piss-warm beers of his, and we made an afternoon of it. Was kind of fun, except Connie, the Battleaxe, got stinking drunk and kept waffling between thanking me for "saving the memory of our Mary" and muttering to herself that "strangers weren't welcome and maybe I should be movin on." Dizzy bitch. I ignored her and took Blake for every cigarette that he had. Ha! Sucker. I was in the Army. Spades is practically the official pastime. He never saw me comin. Of course, that lighter he loaned me ran outta juice so I got nothing to light them with, cause Connie won't let me "smoke in the house". I wanted to tell her a leaky barn that lets in more rain that it keeps out is hardly a house, but she kept givin me the stinkeye and I kept my mouth shut.

Storm cleared up right after the sun went down. Figures. Cold as shit now. Why did I agree to sleep in this half-assed shack on the roof? I'm freezing my balls off up here!

I gotta quit complaining. You don't wanna hear that shit, and I'm tired of hearing my gums flap.

Ever get so bored even sleeping has no appeal? Maybe I'll rub one out and sneak a few shots of whiskey from that bottle I found out back.

How do I paus-

 **# 0008**

Woke up to sunny blue skies and no wind. Headed downstairs early to talk to the Old Man about finishing up the walls, but he and the missus already left to take their harvest to Diamond City. Lucy said they probably be gone two days at least.

Well. Fuck. I'll just do it myself then. Right? Girl turned out to be pretty handy, when she wasn't breakin my balls for anything she could think of. She kept treating me like some dumb kid, and maybe I didn't have a clue about the world cause I spent 200 years as a Popsicle, but that don't mean I'm a goddamn moron. I ignored her and worked my ass off. The Old Man and the Battleaxe were gonna come home to see the farm completely walled off and I might even put up another tower.

That was the plan anyway.

After lunch I head upstairs to change my boots, one of the soles got caught on a nail and tore a big hole in it. Lucky me I found a spare pair in my old house, under the fuckin bed, can you believe that shit? Naturally I grabbed em, and as I pulled my ass up the last ladder, I turn and who do I see, buck naked in my bed?

Yeah. Lucy the Ballbuster, you guessed it. Guess she had other ideas for my balls.

But I couldn't.

It might of been 200 years, but to me, Donna died only a week ago. If if I wanted to (and I didn't), I wasn't ready, and if her parents found out, that'd be the end of this safe little home I got going here. I thought of all those "farmer's daughter jokes" and busted out laughing.

The Ballbuster didn't like that. At all. She called me some vile names and threw my spare boots at me. Clunked me right in the head too, the psycho bitch! Ran off. Thank fuck. I smoked a cigarette (fuck you Connie), changed my boots, and got back to work. I was trying to figure some way out of this mess, because no doubt the little she-devil was gonna rat me out as soon as dear old Mom and Dad got home, and I couldn't let that happen.

My mind raced as I sweated.

Lucy let me alone with my churning guts until supper. Then she confessed in a shower of tears that she was a stupid, wicked girl, and that she let her fantasies run away with her, and please to _not tell her parents_. I didn't say a fuckin word, man, not the whole time. I just let her go. In the end, with her quietly sniffling, I cleared my throat and mumbled something bland and went back to work.

Jesus. Women, am I right? Fuuuuuck me. Maybe I _should_ be moving on.

Donna's face in my mind punched me in the gut. The way her hair smelled. Her laugh. I walked off a little ways and did what I had to do to get myself under control, ok? Its not a problem if the drinking fixes the situation ok? Back off.

Anyway, the Ballbuster comes back and says she's got an idea. Shows me this pile of old robot parts slowly rusting under a tarp out in the back fields. Says she's thinking of some way to protect the farm with them, says she's pretty handy with electronics and such. I asked her how she knew so much. She mumbled something about a wanderer that came by last year for a few weeks. Called himself the Mechanoid or some dippy name like that. It suddenly dawned on me, Lucy's game. She was fuckin every stray that came along, and playing the good girl.

I shook my head and marveled at the sheer fuckin depth of the human mind.

I was pretty handy myself, and in a few hours we knocked up a small automatic gun turret. A small fusion core ran the whole thing and we did a test fire. Good range, especially if we put them up on the wall. Only problem was it would fire on _anything_ that its sensors picked up, so we had to install some switches on them and work out a bunch of calls and signals so I could come and go without getting turned to hamburger.

A weird fuckin day, but I got that wall up. We are secure. Now I just need for the Abernathy's to come home so I can get the hell away from Lucy before she tries to get her claws into me again.

 **# 0009**

Happy fuckin Halloween. Yeah. 200 years and a week ago I was a happy man. Now I'm holed up at the top of some garage with a goddamn zombie trying to eat my guts out. Jesus, look at this guy. Face all melted. Walking funny. Guess being dead will do that to ya.

Blake got home this morning. Was damn impressed with my work, and even more so for our turret system. Said we should make more, but no more parts. I asked him if he knew anyplace local maybe I could check out, and he told me that there was an old Shipping Company office just south of the farm. They might have some parts we would use. I said, great, and grabbed my guns, whistled for Meat and off we went into the woods.

Was going great until this brain-eatin motherfucker scared the shit out of me and chased me up here. Dumb fuck can't climb a ladder so I'm waving my dick at him and wondering if I fire this gun, if ten more of his buddies are gonna crawl outta the woodwork. But I got nothing else, not even a stick to hit him with, so what do I do?

I'll check in later.

 **# 0010**

I can't...

I cannot, in any reasonable fuckin terms, begin to explain the past 36 hours. I mean, you know how I had that magic day just a few days ago? The perfect day? Today was its ugly bitch sister. Where do I even goddamn begin?

Oh yeah. The zombies. Turns out they aren't zombies. Who the fuck knew? Might as well be though, since they ain't living normal lives anymore. Old Man Blake called them ghouls. Ghouls for Christ's sake. That's even worse than zombies! Poor bastards warped by the bombs, they used to be regular dudes. I still didn't feel bad shooting them, but it made me think about how that coulda been me. Me and Donna and Shaun, all melted and pissed off.

I got out of the shipping company with my neck. Barely. Got a shit ton of parts and stuff, which is great, but then I got cocky and found this cabin on the way back. Some hunter's piece-of-shit, and I figure, a quick stop, what could happen?

I'll tell you what can happen. The escalation of the fucked up bugs of this world is linear, OK? Roaches, flies and now mosquitoes. Can you imagine a mosquito the size of a small child and flies as fast as a dog runs? Well I can. I had three chasing me up that fuckin hill screaming my head off for Lucy to turn the turrets on and I'm blind firing as I run, hoping to Christ that I don't die like this, with my insides sucked out. Dogmeat tried to fight, but I heard him make this horrible yelp and fuck me...

I had to leave him. I know its a shitty thing to do. I love that damn dog. But you seriously didn't see the size of these things. But miracle of fuckin miracles, the turret does its job, and the old Battleaxe herself shot down one with a rifle from the top of the wall right as one of those things was gonna stab me through the heart. I've never been so scared in my life. What the fuck is next? It better not be no ants and snakes and shit or fuck it, I'm never leaving the farm again.

Yeah I had a few drinks after that, who wouldn't? I hid the bottle, OK? Its nobody's business.

I dumped the parts, took a shit, had a good cry when the adrenaline left me shaking, and I grabbed my gun and headed out again.

I don't have a fuckin choice OK? We need stuff, and I'm the only crazy fucker around here with less than 4 legs.

Me and Meat went back to that cabin. Real goddamn cautiously. All clear. Some good stuff. Even found a machete and a few boxes of ammo that I could use. We were getting ready to clear out when I heard a voice, clear as day. A man's.

I dropped to my face and didn't goddamn _breathe_. Meat's right beside me, eyes wide and softly panting. We both strain to listen, but I don't hear it again. I suck up the courage to peek out the window. I see a couple of dudes on the hill across from us. Then a third. They are just standing there, like they are waiting for someone.

That new gun I found had a scope, and so I had a good hard look. They were carrying some weird looking guns. Lasers maybe. Who the fuck outside the military had access to that kind of hardware these days? One of the dudes was a chick, and I saw a Brahmin and a bunch of trunks and satchels nearby. A trader? I decided that my balls were not hairy or large enough, so I got up off my face, put my gun away, put my hands up, and went to say hi.

Sold a few gold bars that I had found back in Sanctuary for some herbal remedies and an ear of corn. Plus a teddy bear for Meat and some shells for Rebecca-The-Shotgun. The two dudes she had with her were hard cases, didn't trust me a lick, and I think of one them was mentally eating my dog. The trader, named Dreff or something, gave me bottle caps with my purchases. I asked what these were and she said, "Change".

These crazy fuckers use Nuka-Cola bottlec aps for _money._ Did you know about this? Its completely fuckin crazy! And genius! I mean think about it. No more Nuka-Colas being manufactured, and presumably the machines to make the caps are radioactive slag. Light and portable. Easy to recognize. I mean its cool as shit, but kinda weird too, right? Guess all those caps in cigar boxes I found in Sanctuary Hills were worth picking up after all. I thought it was some neighborhood kids' thing. Like collecting Grognak trading cards.

So after all that I go back and the Old Man and the Ballbuster have a second turret up and running. I show him the ear of corn I bought and I thought he was going to start goddamn blubberin on me. He just clapped me on the shoulder and nodded, farmer-style, and I knew that I had done more in that simple act than a hundred walls would have done. So well fuckin done, me.

But this is where it gets weird. After lunch the Battleaxe tells me that she's got a friend who runs a trading post out of an old diner, just a few miles East on the main road outside of Concord. Says she's got some remedies and other bits and bobs that the family usually trades for a few times a year, but maybe since I'm "gettin ta be a part of the fambly now", I should do the honors. Cool. I was gonna go exploring tomorrow anyway, but there's still daylight, so why not. I head upstairs and take a nap for an hour, just to take the weight off my feet.

So I head out with Meat and we are cruising down this broken ass road, right? I see another Trader, also another chick, and I'm like, man this is great, lets see what she's got. Says her name is Carla and she's a saucy bitch. I like her. She sells me some whiskey and bourbon (gotta feed the monkey) and I'm paying her when suddenly Meat lets out this yelp like I've never heard before and there's this like thumping, breaking noise. All of a sudden some giant fuckin bug, this cocksuckin scorpion the size of a Chryslus Corvega comes charging out at me from nowhere and I see the tail stinger, size of a fuckin sword, I swear, whip over its head and I wake up in my bed, drenched in sweat. Fuckin nightmare. Can you believe that? Haven't had one of those since I was a kid.

That was like 10 minutes ago and I'm still shaking. I'm smoking too. Its so late, the Battleaxe will ne-

 _ **end of recording**_


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